Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
whose parrot is this?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
