is your mom at the bar?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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