mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You were trust falling into bushes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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