My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
