saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
