I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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