I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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