sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
