I just threw up on my dentist
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
