Betty ford says i'm here all night
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
