I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
