wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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