he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
