I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
