do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
