so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
