her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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