erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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