We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize