i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
