It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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