I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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