Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
