I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
