My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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