She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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