Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
