I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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