I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
