The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
