I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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