I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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