Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
