the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
bring money and cleavage
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
