why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
