dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
