Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a beard to bite.
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