Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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