my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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