Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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