Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
