hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
