who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We smell like vodka and hangover
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
