are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
