literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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