How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
