the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
