I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
