I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He passed out mid-signature
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize