thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
