I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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