Will you blow on my dice?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
