when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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