You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
