College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
