So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
