pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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