went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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