I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
