i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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