We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
