It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
