honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Even my vagina gasped.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
