ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
