i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
