She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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