3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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