need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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