Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
