that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
