Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
