Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a search helicopter?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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