Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
