Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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