Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
