His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i now understand why vodka
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
