were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
