Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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