i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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